She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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