His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
