I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
