The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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