careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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