Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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