Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
