I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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