never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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