i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm both gender and math confused
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
