Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
