Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
