I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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