I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
