So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
