this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize