he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
