So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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