lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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