He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
