I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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