if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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