No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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