Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
