actually, I'm a sock model
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
