so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
