whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
