No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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