i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
