Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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