Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
