I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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