I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the day after is always just damage control
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I didn't notice because vodka
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize