I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
