When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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