The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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