My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
