I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
