Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
