Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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