wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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