I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
