my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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