Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
