Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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