I accidentally burped into my bong.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
