Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
