Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
