you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
