Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
