If that was your dad, he is hot
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
