Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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