I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
