alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
