Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
