I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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