i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
