Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
