I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
