I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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