i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
