So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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