I don't think brook has ever known best
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize