I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
