I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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