when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
