i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize